Identity, Life Journey

Chronic Illness Poem


Deeply resonant for anyone who lives in pain and for those who love them.

Source: Chronic Illness Poem

Change & Transformation, Conflict, Identity

Becoming aware of the subtle language of racism

Arnold Mindell
Sitting in the Fire

“This demonstrates how the mainstream deals with racism. First of all, you come with some polysyllabic term that creates emotional distance…You decide you aren’t going to talk about racism or prejudice but ‘cultural diversity.’ That makes everything anti-septic. After exchanging politically correct cliches, you create a seminar, call it ‘diversity training,’ and claim the problem is fixed: there is no more prejudice. In this way, people with liberal educations throw up a smoke screen of fake communication and the problems of rank and race become further repressed. The mainstream assumes that… people should be ‘polite, confident and soft-spoken.’They keep a lid on passion, power, sexuality, and spirituality…the mainstream …communication style inadvertently presses minority groups into conformity.


Change & Transformation, Coaching Programmes, Identity, Life Journey

The Narcissist & the Martyr

Note from Ulaysha:

I’ve recently been presented with a slew of people in my coaching practice looking for alternative ways to deal with what appears to be certifiable narcissistic bosses, parents, or spouses, who have inevitably drained the people around them of all  inner resources, judgement and in some cases, dignity.

This article (published in the Harvard Business Review as per the link above) is quoted for referencing of the personality type and for some seriously good advice on how to cope in the short term  – specifically in an employment situation.

However, it will be followed by the life journey perspective  on this issue, that will hopefully provide enough food for thought, to get you to the point where you ‘never’ have to face another apparent narcissist across the desk, at the kitchen table or in the bed next to you…

Article extract from Harvard Business Review:

MANAGING UP  How to Work for a Narcissistic Boss Rebecca Knight APRIL 01, 2016

Research shows there are a large number of narcissists who become leaders. If you’re unlucky enough to have one of these people as a manager, it may be no consolation that you’re in good company. So how do you stay sane? What’s the best way to reduce the impact of your boss’s self-centered behavior?

What the Experts Say
It’s easy to be fooled by a narcissist—at least at first, says Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, the CEO of Hogan Assessment Systems, a professor of business psychology at University College London, and a faculty member at Columbia University. “A narcissist comes across as charming, charismatic, and confident,” he says. “He seems like the kind of person you want to work for—it’s only later that you see the dark side.” And the dark side isn’t pretty, says Michael Maccoby, president of The Maccoby Group and author, most recently, of Strategic Intelligence: Conceptual Tools for Leading Change. Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of entitlement and require constant admiration. They are quick to claim credit for others’ achievements and blame colleagues for their own failures. They care only about their own success, and they’re willing to take advantage of others to get what they need. In short, they’re incredibly difficult to work for. If you’re stuck with one of these bosses, here are some strategies that might help.

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Coaching Programmes, Identity, Personal Development

Our attitudes to money are a deep & complex part of our identity

Money Beliefs – Adapted from Kansas University Study

Our attitudes and approaches to money are complex. It is linked to how we give and receive – even to how we love. It speaks to our beliefs about security, our sense of community and is deeply rooted in personal identity. It is influenced by our childhood circumstance, values and life experiences.

Assessments of attitudes to money often focus on a result with a label that implies good or bad – a scale of some sort. The important thing is not the score or the analysis provided. The important thing is to use these opportunities (including the link to the attached) to examine our beliefs about money – to ask ourselves what we really feel when we interact with money. What’s your first reaction when you touch a bank note; when you see the receipt at the ATM, when you are given a gift of money? Do you FEEL yourself hold the bank note or credit card a second longer than you should before handing it over or do you want to get it out your hands as quickly as you can? Watch your own behaviour. Do you have a visceral reaction somewhere in your body? Does your stomach clench, does your heart beat faster, do your hands move involuntarily? Money is about emotional patterns and not just about thought patterns or learned behaviours.

Your reaction and  attitude to money is unique to you and it is multi-layered, deeply held and often deeply buried.

If we are looking for greater abundance and prosperity – we need to look closely at our real-time feelings about money. This quiz – not just the results but the questions – do provide a catalyst, some food for thought. It may reveal something new but is more likely to bring into awareness what you’ve unconsciously always known.

Over the next few days, simply become aware of how you engage with money – of the physical feelings in your body when you have any dealings around money – whether purchasing a loaf of bread, paying a debt or asking for money due to you. Now ask yourself WHY those feelings arose. You may be surprised at the answers that come to you. Remember you are your wisest teacher.